Elderly, Florida man experiences death of his inner child; Friends say he refuses to play Canasta.

A rare disease, Sudden Inner Child Death Syndrome (SICDS), appears to be responsible for the death of an elderly man’s zest for life. The victim has been a Shady Pines resident for the past 10 years; Tommy, now prefers to be called Thomas. Friends began to notice changes in his behavior weeks ago when he stopped making fart jokes and began quoting “CSPAN”.


“It was like all of a sudden he lost his sense of humor and ability to fart on command at once! We knew something was not right” said one former friend.

Thomas was one of the events coordinator for the retirement home made famous by the hit show “Golden Girls”.

“We haven’t received this much publicity since Sofia Patrillo became a temporary resident against her will” said Shady Pines founder, Bert Johnson. “As soon as the residents brought it to our attention, we called his Doctor and Therapist to see what was wrong.”

Leading SICDS expert, Dr. Imas Ico gives us some insight: “Most people misdiagnose SICDS as a form of dementia, but careful psychological testing often reveals that the cognitive functions are fully intact, in fact more so than average. Some differences can be measured in higher level tests, when you compare them to the general population. As you can see from the charts I have provided there is a tendency to be drawn to a more conservative political stance and patients usually present with a decreased sense of humor, or the humor found on FOX News or Newt Gingrich”.

When asked what may be the leading cause of the disease, Dr. Ico cites excessive Canasta playing mixed with fart jokes and inappropriate sexual innuendos.

“There appears to be a short circuit response from the excessive use of the area in the brain responsible for keeping the Inner Child alive, coincidentally the same part of the brain that is required to play Canasta, fart, make jokes, and laugh inappropriately.”

For now there is no cure, but most victims don’t seem to mind anyway. When asked how he felt about SICDS, Thomas simply stated “Go to hell. You're interrupting my show!”

The show Thomas was watching? The 700 Club.

Research is underway to further explore this heartbreaking disease.