TV NEWS: Fuck You ABC.

A SUPERNATURALLY BIONIC HOSTILE TAKEOVER.

by Derek Loozander

09/28/07

I was going to start this blog with a picture of a certain shitty new fall TV show, but all I could find was this GAP AD:

Oh wait, no - excuse me. At first glance I thought those were models but upon further analysis I find they are something much worse: Desperate older unknown actors embarking upon yet ANOTHER failing TV adventure. However, like gap ads these days, I'm pretty sure proceeds from this adventure are going to CHARITY.

Lets just start the numbering game NOW:

1. Kate Walsh - you are sexy. Your character WAS sexy. Unfortunately now she is not. Unfortunately now you have taken your character from her place as the mysterious and powerful embittered soon-to-be-ex-wife and put her in a new place: a SITCOM - but the only JOKE is on YOU! These new less interesting characters that surround you now are going to dismantle everything interesting about you that it took 2.5 seasons of Grey's Anatomy to establish. You were part of an ENSEMBLE. Who the hell did you sleep with to get this job? And why? I hope it was good.

2. Maybe its for the best - those GA writers seem like they're dropping ACID all over that script these days. Please - next time Meredith almost dies why don't you just kill her completely and then have Derek Shepherd have sex with her inanimate corpse in a sick posthumous Snow White kind of way, thereby reanimating her, since thats the ONLY thing she seems to LIVE FOR. "Derek why are we having sex in the morgue?" (cue force feeding of scene-destroying pretentious soundtrack here)

3. SUPERNATURAL SUPERNATURAL SUPERNATURAL! Nobody should even care about ANY OF THIS SHIT when there is a show 20x BETTER on the CW in the same time slot as GA. Alright I'm going for the picture. LADIES: Hold onto your VAGINAS:

 

IN YOUR McDREAMS, BITCH!

AND - they're going to be accompanied by two FEMALES this coming season. GUYS: Its your turn - Hold onto your VAGINAS:

AND THEY HAVE SPECIAL WEAPONS TRAINING - KATHERINE HEIGL, WHO?

But I digress as usual.

4. Can anybody tell me anything about Private Practice? NO - because everything you've seen so far (with the exclusion of the first episode) has to do with Gray's anatomy shit. The producers at ABC are expecting all of the fans of GA to follow like sheep over to this show so they can rake in even MORE dough!

5. Well ABC, once upon a time a few years back, after the finale of friends NBC had become a joke and you staked your claim over the airwaves. BUT - this season NBC is back, and they are about to throw you a SERIOUS BIONIC CURVEBALL.

Just push play:

Need I say more?

YEA - This fall, one way or another, ABC: YOU ARE GOING DOWN.